Well, Matt DeVille loves yetis and having known some of the best of them, he’s taught the rest of us to love them too. Of course yetis are abominable, but even they have rules they try to abide by during the holidays.
Nothing is more awkward than watching someone lose a limb to a yeti during dinner. You’ll leave a better impression if you can avoid the impulsive consumption of your neighbor or relative. If you bring fresh kill to the meal, be willing to share.
A good rule of thumb is to only drink as much beer as you can bring. It is generally not appropriate to arrive with your own refrigerator or cooler.
You feel no shame about roaming the mountainside nude. However, consider wearing at least a tie or scarf this holiday season. Your family will definitely thank you.
Be conscious of the large real estate your hulking body takes up. Find a place and share the space. Also avoid breaking chairs or other furniture.
Presents are packaged with delicate love and care. Don’t open those thoughtful gestures with your yeti rage. If you must destroy something, wait until you get home. You are not a troll.
Grandma doesn’t need a stiff-arm to the face during the family football game. Uncle Clark steals money in Monopoly but there are no get-out-of-jail-free cards for assaulting him. When you lose to a member of your yeti family, all yetis win. Refer back to Rule #1.
You might think the world is your water closet, but hold that thought. Find a suitable restroom and release it there.
You were born big, but that doesn’t make you a monster! Don’t be mean — share the screen. Little Kevin is trying to watch The Yeti on 34th Street.
Whether you stand with the Grand Ol’ Yetis or the Yeticrats, save politics for your like-minded yeti friends. Granddad doesn’t believe in unicorn rights. Aunt Etta wants a Sasquatch ban. But everyone loves President Yeti Roosevelt. Again, Rule #1.